Peace is a learning …
… and a decision!
This article is being published one day after the German federal elections. Not by intention, but it was the final drop for me to release it. We all have our stories and reasons for choosing the paths we take. That is a fact—without judgment. Feeling misunderstood or unseen, fear, deep wounds, or simply different opinions, needs, and boundaries have the potential to dig deep trenches between us. However, the past few years have shown me in my own life practice that it is possible to be in community with all of this, to be held and to hold others—while still maintaining constructive and peaceful coexistence. If only we focus on our shared humanity. And the experiences in my surroundings have convinced me that “peace” can be learned! From my practical experience, learning peace requires a few cornerstones:
· Awareness of how we function as human beings
· Awareness of the world we live in
· An open heart that is firmly anchored within itself
· The willingness to work on oneself and together with others, to be held, and to hold space for others—in our full emotional spectrum.
Whether we like it or not: we ARE dependent on each other. Very few of us live alone as self-sufficient individuals in the forest with our own water, electricity, and heating systems. Without internet, medicine, basic supplies, cars, food, conveniences, etc. … In my understanding, we therefore have no choice but to work on ourselves and our social competence, as we all, to varying degrees, use the infrastructure of our society.
Admittedly, the complexity of the world has become enormous and overwhelming. We receive real-time information from every corner of the earth. As human beings, we are not actually designed for this level of complexity. If electricity and fuel were to disappear tomorrow, we would very quickly see how physically limited our actual human range is. Having all these “extensions” of ourselves—cars, TV, airplanes, smartphones—also means carrying the world’s complexity in our pockets at all times. Being immediately informed about every catastrophe, every conflict. It is simply overwhelming and instills fear. Fear for social status, family and friends, personal comfort, and what one has worked for. Our survival mode kicks in, and we try to categorize this complexity into “dangerous” or “not dangerous.” Otherwise, our own system would be utterly overwhelmed. This is how schemas work—one of our human tools to perceive and classify our environment as either threatening or safe through our sensory organs. When in survival mode, fundamental patterns and reactions are often activated to protect and keep us alive. They are triggered by emotions like fear or anger. This is beneficial because they help us in immediate danger (keyword: saber-toothed tiger), but they are a terrible foundation for healthy, long-term, and sustainable communication in community or relationships.
With this awareness—that our animalistic body “reacts” to threats, influencing our decisions, and that we live in an overstimulated world shaped by various interest groups—we are all the more challenged every single day, every hour, every second to weigh and decide: Is this a real, immediate, threatening piece of information for me right now? Or not. Do I follow my first impulse of flight, fight, or freeze, or do I still have real “choices” to shape my environment differently so that I feel safer and seen? And: Do the decisions I make have their roots in taking responsibility for myself, or do I hold someone else accountable for my desire to live in a certain way? Do I place myself in the role of a victim and expect someone else to create the security I need, or do I fully embrace my own power to create what I need from my own inner capacity? This means, on one hand, recognizing our emotions as alarm signals, creating a moment of distance from them, and then using our rational mind to assess what to do next. On the other hand, it requires reflection and self-empowerment to expand the range of possibilities and shape the environment in which I want to live. All of this must be learned. Unfortunately, it is not something we are born with as part of a genetic package.
It would be nice if we had perfectly neutral beings of light as role models in our society. If our society were built on the much-cited concept of loving one’s neighbor. But in the end, they are also just people with interests, backgrounds, wounds, and beliefs. In the end, they cannot provide us with simple answers to the complexity of our world but move within the tension between social status, economic dependencies, power structures, recognition, personal human imprints, qualities, or shortcomings. Being in community remains a negotiation. A constantly ongoing consent game that is necessary to live in a free society. Freedom is work—just like diversity. Who really wants to spend every vacation at the same lake or eat sauerkraut with sausages for life? It takes effort to allow relevant information to reach us and to verify its accuracy! Admittedly, in the age of the internet, AI, and smart marketing strategies, it is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish reality from propaganda. Compared to many other countries, however, this work is still relatively comfortable and far less threatening than in places that are actively fighting for freedom. All of this is highly complex, overwhelming, and can leave one feeling helpless.
So where do I see the opportunity to actively engage in peace and learn it?
Starting with oneself. Peace does not come from the outside. It is a state that we carry from within to the outside. Becoming aware of human perception and survival strategies, as well as the dynamics of the economic system and our environment, and learning the skills to dance with these aspects: This means taking a step into conscious “choosing.” Not succumbing to the first reaction of our survival center.
How does one learn to choose consciously?
There is this saying, “The world belongs to the children,” based on the idea that children would create an innocent, joyful, and colorful society. However, this overlooks the fact that children must first learn how to deal with emotions. If this learning process is not accompanied by empathy and patience, children can turn into small or even large monsters.
Adult children who, perhaps out of wounds, out of not being seen, out of fear of rejection, fear for their status or possessions in the world, fear of not belonging to a group, out of revenge, or other unresolved issues, throw around dangerous phrases and decisions. Their survival systems kick in. They begin to attack each other, extending their conflicts to those around them. They use communication tools and techniques to engage in the “blame game,” manipulating others for their own purposes. They exploit the fears of others to turn them against each other instead of engaging in dialogue, listening to one another, finding a shared consensus, and setting an example of how we can tackle the world’s challenges—without anyone feeling unseen or left behind.
Peace begins within. When I look at our political world and rhetoric, I see that children have long been ruling the world. People who are not connected to themselves. Who seek blame and/or recognition externally. Who incite others against each other for their own benefit.
It doesn’t surprise me that we don’t learn these competencies in kindergarten or school. Because what would our society look like then? If we learned to recognize our needs and express them without pointing fingers? If we developed compassion and understanding for the situations of others and our own? If we shared suffering and joy with goodwill? If we felt safe enough to express our emotions? If we could authentically share our fears and concerns in a non-judgmental space, acknowledge them mutually, and find an agreement based on that? Sounds pretty peaceful… How many fewer lawyers, politicians, medications, consumption, distractions, drugs, police, weapons, and armies would we need?
There are already tools to learn these competencies. They are called, for example, the Drama Triangle, Nonviolent Communication, and the Wheel of Consent. The absolute foundation of our experiential spaces or individual work. And in my opinion, we need many more spaces where we can learn to use them without judgment. Where we can feel supported when we struggle to express ourselves or communicate our boundaries. And where we can learn to be there for others in the same situation. Often, people come to us who have never heard of any of this. And I myself only learned it in my thirties. How much more peaceful would my world have been if I had encountered it earlier? These tools should be mandatory in every educational institution, as they primarily help us to connect with ourselves so that we can communicate with others—to be human, to be together. To establish peace and compassion within ourselves, because how can we demand it from the outside when we lack it within?
At the next election, I will vote for the party that is brave enough to introduce a school subject called “Learning Peace.” Until then, I hope that many different people will come together in our spaces and experience firsthand what it feels like to be at peace with themselves and with others.
Would you like to create a peaceful world around you?
Then check out our Love Community, a conscious circle of people who are happy to learn and grow with each other. Get in touch with me for more information.
