That’s how long the issue of Vulvodynia/Vestibulodynie has occupied me. I have tried many things. I have learned a lot. About our society, education, the health system, anatomy, psychology, medication and last but not least myself.
The picture is perhaps worth a thousand words. It is a small glimpse of the medicines I have been prescribed or advised to take over the last few months. Most of it has only made my symptoms worse, weakening my most sensitive organ. Looking back, I wish I had been more critical and not just taken and smeared everything the doctors told me. But afterwards we know better, right?!
Where to start? After more than a year and a half of rollercoaster, almost full-time work stoppage and a few thousand euros poorer? Perhaps with the question I was asked from the first moment: Do you have stress? Yes, of course! What more can one answer to that. Everyone has stress—stress is, after all, the catalyst and clock generator of our everyday lives. Isn’t it?
But okay, at that point in time when it all started, my life had actually changed in the most radical way. I had to let go of an unbelievable number of things, massive existential fears blew up in my face and I had lost pretty much everything I knew and trusted. This had brought me a certain degree of insecurity on a social, emotional and economic level. Not only the current situation was stressful. No, all the old, covered triggers and untreated mental wounds of the last decades in me came to light and wanted to be tackled all at once. My entire system was massively overloaded.
In addition, I was only beginning to discover myself in this beautiful field of sexuality—and suddenly, in a brutal and permanently painful way, I could no longer discover myself. Neither with other people, nor with myself alone. I had difficulties accepting my femininity in the past, was just beginning to love and discover my body. And then this: every touch I wanted to give myself hurt—physically and emotionally. I felt punished by life, looked for my »guilt« in this punishment in what I had done in the past. What wrong had I done to others that I deserved this? … And this catapulted me further and further into the spiral of suffering, helplessness and dependency.
Fortunately, life provided me with incredibly loving and supportive people in whom I could confide and who had supported me in insanely difficult phases and still do. This enabled me to step back into my power, take steps and become active to clean up my life a little. I was able to develop strategies on how to hold myself better in bad phases and to continue my discovery, even if a little more limited than I had hoped, in better phases.
List of topics and links
So what I have learned over the last year and a half I would like to share. To spare one or the other a suffering loop. The topics I will touch on here range widely: from »how to stay in physical contact with my partner«, to pain management, physiological or psychological therapy approaches, to everyday care. I will fill the following keywords with life bit by bit. You are welcome to contact me with the keyword that »is burning« the most for you at the moment (sorry, I had to make that joke—if we can’t laugh about it any more, we’ve lost already):
– Partnership support
– Yoni Mapping
– Sacred setting/Holding space
– Self love
– Open relationship
– Psoas Massage/Streching
– Iyangar Yoga
– Overactive Pelvic Floor
– Pelvic Floor Relaxation
– Pudentus Nerve
– Herniated Disc?
– Good old distraction
– Trauma therapy
– Behavioural tips
– Nutrient balance
– Strengthening the immune system
– Allergies (histamine or contact allergy)
– lichen sclerosus
– Mast cell overactivation syndrome
– Overproduction of nerve endings
Doctors, Forums & Links, Book Tips
What I am offering
»Meet Your Temple«-Ritual for Women
Sensual Body Painting-Ritual
The Art of Cuddling
Sacred Space Creation
Your Temple Drawing
Sensual Nude Drawing Circle
Playful Printing for Couples
Individual Tantric Ritual
Supported Tantric Ritual for Women